Cat Eyes

Cat Eyes

Unreal, unspoken words
Seem to twist the fragments
Of your face
Turning
Your Words
Your memory
Our love
Into something false

Into illusions, abstracts
Fading away forever
I don’t know you
I never did
You broke me down
You stole all I had
And kept everything I gave

None of it happened
I look back with
Only knowledge
That you were there
That we were in love
But I do not feel
Feel that it was ever there

I was left
With nothing
Left to die
I have forgotten
It was all a lie
Now I stand
Only able to see
What is now mine

Flashing lights
Colors bright
You were nothing
Compared to this
These lights
These sounds
These sights
These smells

They caress my soul
Wings beating
My heart racing alive
Clearer is my focus
My view

I can’t see
What I once saw in you
You’re violent
And cold
You are not
Who you once were

The last fragment
Of my love for you
Felt guilty
Felt bad
And broke beyond repair
No longer recognizable
You were right
Too much has changed

It wasn’t me at first
Not that I could see
But I did
Yet now it’s you
Who is bitter
Cold and harsh
Careless and cruel

You said you were sorry
You even cried
But your love
Your words
They were lies

I remember
What you did
How could I forget?
I still fell for you again
Not this time
Never again

Now you lie
You cover your tracks
My name
Suddenly appearing
On your friends lips
People I don’t even know
But who know me
Know everything
Know the lies
The embellishment
God forbid they know the truth

They talk to me
I pretend not to know you
They are confused
I don’t care
I am not the same
Because of you

You said that
You wanted to forget
So I moved on
I left you be
Why doesn’t it seem
Like you will
Leave me be

Why do they speak
Your name
My nightmares
They repeat them back to me
With your lies
I don’t want
To remember the truth
Or to know it

I was forgetting
I wish those lies were true
But they aren’t
And it makes me sorry
For more than me
But for you too

I have found
What I thought was lost
In a different shape
A different form
Only there is room for more
More things to live for, to love
Things I once thought
I never deserved
But after you
I came to realize that I did
Deserve this second chance
At love, at life

And you deserve
To hear the rumors
In you head
Never-ending, never silent
Deserve to feel
The pain I held
The hatred and fear
The broken love,
Fragmented memories
The shattered heart

To feel the walls
Closing in
The betrayal, the caution
You deserve to
Feel ripped apart
To relive the nightmare
That I kept inside
For more than a year

Tilla

Change of Heart

Change of Heart

The Tree
As it stands
Once tall and lush
Green and proud
Now barely alive
Branches broken
Struck by lightning
The leaves half fallen
It hangs its head
Toward the ground
Ready to sleep forever
Tired and hollow
Harsh winds of memories
Attempt to knock it down
After forever standing through the rain
Its roots, strong and pure
Never give up
Deeply embedded beneath
The storm, and mud, and bugs
Cling with such a force
To make the tree shelter it
To save it, feed it
The sun tries to revive
The leaves change and grow
Only the side struck stays
Forever burnt, ever fading, always there
Half alive, half dead
Half good, half evil
Half light, half dark
Half and Half
The change of heart

Lilac's Revenge

January 27 2009

Just because of silence
Because I couldn’t take you more
You forced me back into your life
It was much you wouldn’t ignore

So what, I didn’t say
Much the last few days
Did it perhaps occur to you?
That I wanted to break from you away?

But no, now I’m problematic
A plague in my family’s eyes
You intentionally infected me
With your outlandish lies

What the hell is wrong with you?
How did you ever have the heart?
When you knew nothing was going on
How could you this start?

Did you think this through, my friend?
You should have known me
By now you’d think you’d have gotten it
But instead forever lost you’ll be

I’ll go down and work it out
The responsibility now mine
Your selfish actions will catch up
To you, my friend, in time

Remember, friend, you started this
This inexcusable offense
Too soon I’ll have you realize
That bliss comes from ignorance

Tribute to Lilac

Dedicated to Lilac A. Black

12/08

Small enough and feathery
Purple faded blue
Never did I ever expect
the association I would have with you

Tiny little flowers
Symbols of destiny and fate
Little did I know
Your name I’d come to hate

Never should I resent you
For you stayed until the end
you, the lovely lilac
The only who’d stayed my friend

An Anger Memorial

An Anger Memorial

February 4 2009

Good friends we were
Secrets we told
Our pasts we spilled
Our hearts we sold

Things we’d done
We did admit
The open book
Each one’s mistake to submit

We opened up
Said things we’d regret
Told of events
We’d rather forget

Few months and a day
Things fell apart
And all that was left
Was what made it start

How dare one take
The other’s wrong turn
And use it to hurt them
What good will it earn?

When each knows the other
Our secrets of past
Why use it against us
Your triumph won’t last

With each slip of the tongue
You should watch what you say
I know as much about you
It’s best to walk away

Tilla

Be Told Someday

Be Told Someday

February 4 2009

I wait for you
Everyday
We talk and joke
For a short way
Sometimes we stand
And talk away
Other days we
Don’t wait and stay
Each time I turn
And walk away
It saddens me
Each word we say
The past repeating
In darkness day
When you and I
Friends we made
A rift grew
And drew us away
Time separated us
Day by day
All this I see
When everyday
I wait for you

It is Silent

- It is silent

It is silent
No noise fills the air
No sound can be heard

It is silent
No one laughs
No one can cry

It is silent
Silent as night
As the dead

The earth is silent
Everyone has frozen
Everything is still

Shh
Listen
It is silent

Tilla

Immortal Thoughts

January 8, 2009

The day is cursed
Souls run dry
It flies so fast
We don’t want to die

With immortal minds
But human throughout
We fear the one thing
Leaving all in doubt

As the wheels turn
At the moon of the last
I’ll walk toward possible fate
In the place of my past

Only minor distractions
Will catch my eye
The minor changes
Before I die


This one is mine.

I don't know if you may have noticed, but Lilac, Echo and I do all write a lot. In fact, I typed up 65 poems yesterday. The only reason I post more of Lilac and some of Echo's and not as much as mine is because they don't care and mine are somewhat personal sometimes. I'm sure you know how that goes.

Tilla

Angry Lilac

February 12 2009

What would you do if you knew you were full of shit?
Every word out of your mouth is a lie?
Don’t think that I’m naïve enough to believe
All the shit I’ve kept inside

You sin like every one of us
And yet you assume the possible worst
In all humans, in every being
You use their past like a curse

But honey you’ve met your match
I’m as stubborn as you are
There ain’t no turning back the fight tonight
This time you’ve gone too far

Turn off your lights
Lay down your head for sleep
While wide awake for hours adrenaline rushing
Anger pulsing, your actions, words, away from me sleep they keep.



Of course, Echo writes a nice poem about how you should feel bad for Lilac and Lilac writes one about how much Echo annoys her. Actually, I think the poem was during a fight between all of us. I'm sure you know how stubborn Lilac can be when it comes to arguing and fighting. She is very proud.

Lilac Untitled

January 19 2008

Icy words of anger
Burn the page
As the pen’s fiery ink
Stains the lines red


The bleeding heart
Turns blue with cold
The unseen soul of love and trust
Suddenly rusted and forgotten

[One voice that must be heard/
The heart no one can see/
Had one been there/
Maybe everything would have been saved]

Silently waiting with patience
Feeling stuck and lost
Within a darkened memory
Frustration suppresses fear

Waiting for what, a sign
A cry of a bird, the light of the moon
Silent companions for the waiting
Who stand forever hopeful

A sound of thunder
In the distance full of fear
An unseen forgotten threat
Fills one’s empty heart with dread

A thing so easy to predict
Something one could ignore
Or forget, a heart holds tight
And memories fade

The lights flicker out
Poison rains from the sky
Melting words from printed pages
And forever hardening hearts


Lilac
Lilac did cross out somethings but I added them in brackets anyway.

Lilac's Fork in the Road

February 18 2009

I watch her wander day by day
But there is nothing I can say
To bring her back to common sense
To help her feel a lot less tense
She doesn’t know which road to take
A new mask she has yet to make
She’s not sure she wants to pursue
A feeling she’s not sure is true
She blankly stares ahead
Somewhat wishing she were dead
Not wanting to hurt them anymore
Yet she can’t seem to shut the door
Tied she is to her past
Denying that it was the last
She would ever see her friends
Ignorant to how this ends

I watch her struggle to display
The person she wants to portray
But I fear it’s not what she meant
Her cover is frayed and now bent
She is aware there is much at stake
Yet her true identity she still does fake
I fear there is nothing we can do
As she lets the emotions brew
If she would follow this instead
She would let her heart control her head
This was more than she was asking for
She feels that she can’t have either or
I didn’t see it hit her so fast
The arrow from the bow cast
Straight to her heart before it mends
Slowly I watch as her composure bends


This I know for sure is Echo. About Lilac. What did I tell you? She is easy to write about. When you are writing about someone, pick someone who has an overwhelming amount of mystery surrounding them. That way, you never run out of things to add.
I am still surprised the bird wrote about Lilac...they are pretty much at each other's throats. Of course, Echo is the sentimental one, who is very forgiving and openminded. Most of the time...

Free From Heart

June 18 2008

Free From Heart

Slowly awakening
Free from fog and mist
Away from clawed hands
Of a past that does not exist

A swirl of colors
Vivid, bright, and bold
Vanishing like smoke are
Memories dead and cold

Alive again at last!
No longer living a lie
An empty hollow shell
No longer needing to cry



Huh...I believe this is a Lilac poem...scary thing is it sounds like Echo. It might be Echo...there was no name...and it was in a general area of the house where they both go. I shall ask later...

Listen, I say

January 27 2008

I want to close my door
To turn the knob and lock it
I want to shut the world out
To find some peace and quiet

I want to turn out all the lights
To sit upon the floor
I want all of you to go way
To stop knocking at the door

I do not care if you are sorry
If you say that you just care
I do not believe you anyway
Believe that you weren’t there

I know that you betrayed me
That you covered up your lie
I know that you are the one
That wanted too much to die

I do not have a problem
Unless you count one as you
I no longer care about
Anything you say or do

So leave me be I say!
Don’t you understand, go away!


Ah, Lilac wrote this when she shut herself in her room for three days after Echo said something. I don't remember what it was, I do, however, remember the damage to the hideout here...

Greed (Poem One of Seven)

February 2 2009

Greed

It is one of seven
The seven deadly sins
Surrounding us in darkness
Its cages lock us in

The turmoil of excess
Drowning in things
The dominant gene
In all human beings

The constant need for want
Everything must be ours
As things claimed to us
Our souls it devours

Go ahead and hoard
These things illusions of need
Your things will one day depart
Our excess of greed


Yes, one of my favorites. I was planning on writing one of each of the seven deadly sins but when Saphire asked me what I was going to say for lust, I kind drew a blank. Echo started cracking up and Lilac, of course, sneered. Radar muttered something about "awkward topic" and J.Pan wasn't listening...)

Black + Lupin (Lilac say wha?!)

February 17 2009

Caught in my throat
Are the words so simple to say
Why is it so hard just to ask
If you want to hang out one day

Everyday for a year or so
We would hang outside
Tell me why it is now so hard
To tell you how I feel inside

Your face is so familiar
A light contrast to my dark
We may have changed
But we are the same in out hearts

Would you be willing to
Make our friendship fly
Well, I guess friends don’t always last
But we can sure as hell try

I can’t tell what you think
When I am walking at your side again
I can’t tell if you’ve moved on
Or if you’re in the same hell I’m in


Lilac Ann Black

Hm...I learn more about Lilac everyday...

Please forgive me for this poem
A darkness fills my heart
Rage is growing, being fed
Inside I’m partly dead
Sighing voices fill the air asking why

Must I tell them the truth?
All of you are the reasons why
Reasons piling up too high
I wonder why you fail to see
Everything that’s who I am

Even that can’t be that hard
Take me for all you see
Consider what your actions mean
How can anyone feel free?
Especially when your selfish needs
Mock and smother me
Even when I try so hard
Nothing will ever show you
Dying is what I am left to do
You all being the poison, draining me

Lilac A Black

Has anyone else noticed Lilac is a bit bitter?

January 27 2009

If I can’t be happy
With the people who now lie
Why should I be friends?
Again, why should I try?

I’m sick of gossip
Sick of scorn
I really wish that some of you
In my life were never born

You’ve forced me to live your nightmares
Your nightmares full of pain
Of drama, gossip, evil things
Coming down like acid rain

You are no friend of mine
I’ll disown you from my heart
Believe me I won’t grieve for you
When we’re far apart

I work best alone, you see
Each of you mean nothing anymore
This world so cold is your doing
At least we adapt, are protected from what you do

My walls are up
My swords are drawn
We’ll see who’s still standing
At the break of dawn


Lilac

Leah Shay?

I don't know the whole story on this one, but I found it in Lilac's stash of papers. FanFiction Perhaps, or maybe another story that I have yet to read about.

January 7, 2009

As darkness starts to steal the light
The one that barely shone before
I suddenly realize with fright
Day by day his evil grows even more

If one should happen to notice
His eyes no longer brown but red
But knowing no one will miss
The fair haired once I’m dead

Late at night I hear him mutter
About the power he craves
Spells I dared never utter
And yet he doesn’t age

I try to tell myself its fire
His element within
But power is his main desire
And loving him is sin

Because I know his power’s growing
I know that I will die
So I will leave behind this message knowing
I love him, this is all, Goodbye

Leah Shay

(Whoever Leah is. I shall ask Lilac later)

Lilac and Tom

January 8th 2009


Both heartless and cold
Born without love
One from far behind
One high above

Seeing themselves
As the best there can be
Holding each other up
When the other fails to see

Known by all to be evil
Seen as murderous and frayed
Only one with a conscious
She suffered but stills he stayed

As many times there were
That she tried to get away
She couldn’t bear to leave him
Only she saw him good in a way

Neither of them noticed
Yet only she could know
The fate that was coming for them
As they let their power grow

Flashing blinding curses
Arranged by her own
To bring down the one she loved
And once again leaving her alone

She couldn’t bear to watch
As they forced her to turn
Against the one who’d kill them all
But she’d love him behind the burn

Despite her heartlessness
She tried to save him from his own
Growing up in dark and cold
With people, yet all alone

She knew how he’d felt
Losing all before he was aware
Turning into something dark
As people forgot to care

IF only someone had shown
Him love, he’d be able to understand
Like someone once had saved her heart
Yet both unable to comprehend

She’d seen too much pain
Watched her life torn apart
He’d never had someone there
Anyone to hold close in his heart

So as they stand side by side
Hardly capable of being friends
Their hearts so dead and souls so torn
The darkness will bring their lives to ends

One and a time they come undone
As people fail one by one


Ahhhh. Again, another poem about Lilac's life. She is a very good subject to write about. Many mysteries about her. Saphire too, but Saphire is a bit easier to figure out. I think it's a light verses dark thing. Lilac is slightly confused on where she stands. She is, in a sense, a shade of gray. (As most people are, they just don't realize)

A Poem about Lilac

October 2008

She was quiet, dark
Watchful with her eyes
Cautious, always waiting
Searching for yesterday’s prize

Mistrust around her house
And power within her blood
Betrayal in her family and friends
Her veins filled with mud

Both sides finding fault against
For her many powers not her own
And despite her loyalty
Her family did disown

For years she handled herself, with dignity
And pride, until the day she met the two
Who would some day destroy her
But die themselves after all they’d been through

To watch him die before her
As he fell back into her hand
The pain she felt inside her chest
She couldn’t bare to stand

There wasn’t time to stay
She wanted to save him still
So she found a way to reverse time
She could bend it to her will

Yet she went too far
And her mind attacked
No matter how she moved on
She wanted only to go back.

By the one and only MOI
(That's means me...Tilla)

This particular one is interesting

Some days I wonder
How we make it through the day
With all our talk and attitude
And nothing good to say

A hypocrite says one thing
Yet they don’t know what’s true
Instead give them the same situation
And see what different they would do

A little bit of gossip
Always goes too far
How can we not see?
That what we say, scar

All I hear in this room
Is dirt on other peoples’ lives
Yet here are some that sit
The worse yet on them thrives

As if you really care
How the rest of us feel
As you talk us down and crush us
Our souls and spirits you steal

The gossip that fills this room
Creates an invisible cage
It suffocates me, makes me sick
For I attempt to conceal my rage

December 2008


The story behind the poem? I was sitting in class and listening to ALL the petty crappy drama that was being said about people I both know and don't know and I got so sick of listening to all the stuff that I knew I wasn't supposed to know. I certainly wouldn't want to be talked about like that.

Untitled

November 5 2008

Speaking in whispers
Silent and pleading
The broken hearts wound
No longer bleeding

Stepping away from
Irresistible temptation
Falling in line, protected
Plagued by desperation

Lost in what is now
No longer what has past
Lost in paradise illusions
But memories still silently last

The warmth and safety calm
The feelings of love and affection
Clouding all judgments and pain
Creating a world of perfection

Lying alone for the moment
Resting the weary head
Knowing all this to be true
Yet so the heart’s half dead

Reminiscing

January 23 2009

O’ how I long to find the muse
The one to last and grow
Images of emotions in my head
That on paper I cannot show

So many things inside my soul
That I wish to set free
But not knowing if I can
Not sure I want to see

The thousands of memories
All suppressed, stored away
Some of pain and joy
Some of night and day

In my head I calculate
Some memories thick and slow
Trying to remember things I tried
To forget, things I didn’t need to know

The dramatic sounding chorus
Of the memories never meant to be
Of events and people who tried
Yet failed to change me

I never knew that it would be like this
I didn’t know it’d be this way
I don’t know if I’d change it now
I’m not sure I’d want to stay

Slowly I fade- Lilac A Black

Slowly my vision starts to fade
As I lay to rest my head
My memories and life pass by
From a world that’s long been dead

This is no longer my life or time
My world is gone too far away
I’ve traveled too far and changed too much
And this is the only other way

Weakened over and over again
By time and memories
A sickness, a poison in my soul
Left untreated, without remedies

I’d become so used to being tense
So used to a constant unseen fear
So used to being out of place
Going through the motions of being here

That when something woke me up
Inside I became too aware
Of everyone and everything
The pain was too much to bear

But breathing easier
As over whelming as it may be
Is a relief from limitation
But it won’t help me see

(Lilac A. Black)

I believe she wrote this around...oh let's see...Novemeber or December 2008? Her handwriting got a little sloppy...

The Battle

January 27 2009

The Battle

The sun is set
The drums are heard
Above the cries of dying
The frightened calls of bird

My walls are up
My armor strong
My mind is set
The night is long

I wait in darkness
Untouched by rain
The rage inside
Where once was pain

No sign of life
My sword is drawn
I will survive
To the break of dawn

I am ready for battle
The thrill of revenge
With flesh and sword contact
My lost sanity I will avenge

Come to me, I close my eyes
Let me stain the ground
With all your treason, all your lies
You won’t have time to make a sound

You all are mine
Caught in my grasp
I am no longer running
From you , my past

The Moon and the Stars

January 29 2009

Unlike the sun
The dominant source of light
Shines the moon
And it’s stars
Little beacons of light
Forever shining
Day and night
Even when blinded by
The sun or hidden
By a cloud
They watch
They are the dreamer’s reality
In the brightest of times
Or the darkest moments of life
The moon seemingly disappearing
Through it’s many phases
Never dominatingly blinding over
The stars
The magical pull, subtle and light
Draws the dreamer’s eyes toward the sky
Irresistibly awakening the imagination
The silence of the night
Until once more the moon is set
And the selfish sun
Steals all the beauty of its kind

I'm sorry

Dateless
(December I believe 2008)

I’m sorry for all I’ve put you through
I’m sorry for making you so blue
In the end though this much is true
I hope you know I love you
No matter what’s said or done too
I hope you forgive me for friends like you are few
And I realize that there is not much I can do
To make up for all I’ve put you through

Today (Well, rather January 23)

Y'ever get those days, where you suddenly feel like your brain just WON'T work, even though it's nearly impossible for you to be tired? Almost like you are walking, or thinking, through molassas? So do I...

January 23 2009

Today

Today I am determined
Yet I’ve no energy to try
Save it all for tomorrow
Doing just enough to get by

I want to reach the stars
To be better than them all
But focus and opportunities
Lack of makes me feel too small

So I do what I must
And take it one day at a time
Hoping a moment will come my way
So I get my moment to shine

The spider (Another Writing Excercise/With prompt if you want to try it too)

Writing Exercise January 13 2009

Six words:
Violet
Paradox
Epiphany
Tile
Funereal
Ecstasy

The spider

Twirling its web
Beneath the violet sky
The spider spins round
The window pane alone
I watch this funereal creature
Hang an inch
Above the tile
I wait for its epiphany
Naïve creature it doesn’t
Realize there is nothing here
In the center it waits for food
The ecstasy of life caught
Within its grasp
The paradox of the mind

Past Present and Future

October 27 2008

The past
Is a swirling mist
Of mixing colors
And memories
Of a different world
So far from the one
In which you now stand
Together and alone
Unreal, the unspoken
Words seem to twist
The fragments of your
Mind turning it into
Something false
Something forgotten
A nightmare
Eventually morphing
Into a dream to
Which you smile
At, Ahead the future
Not crystal
But clear enough
To live and breathe
And move forward
Without hesitation into
The unknown
Without fear for
The ease of the present
Is an overwhelming
Paradise of time
Combining the separate worlds
Together of the
Past, present and future.


I was trying to portray the way that when you remember something that happened a long time ago, it almost feels like another world and when you look ahead, you seem many different paths and lots of unknown (fog). Yet, when you look atthe present it seems so different from both past and future. Yet, they are all linked by the present moment, because the present was once the past and will become the future (if that makes sense) I honestly don't really like this poem...I just like waht it stands for.

Tilla O. Marsh

Humanity Falls Apart

Stupid Title I know, but hey. What am I supposed to say? I really liked this poem and the message it portrays but the first half of it was slightly personal and I cut it out. (One page, two columns long: this is the second one)

Humanity is evil, cruel
I have lost my faith in it
After fighting for so long to stay above
I’m losing my heart, strength and wit

Trust is now so hard to find
As greed and hate consume us all
Even I am guilty of this crime
As our desires make us fall

All you want is money
And for you, you crave power
No longer can we love as is
Our innocence lost by the hour

Children exposed to so much fear
People in love with pain
The drama of our everyday lives
Living in constant emotional strain

We work ourselves to death
Leaving little time to try
To try and find the smaller things
More important before we die

Blackness of this poison
Darkens many people’s heart
We’ve left no room to care or love
We’ve let humanity fall apart

Writing Excercise 10 min: When the World Ends

OKAY
For those of you who like to write poetry...or short stories...Oh hell! If you write ANYTHING!
This was a writing excercise that was given to me. It took me personally around ten minutes or so to complete. I am going to post the prompt as well as the poem I wrote.

February 10 2009

Consider a famous fairy tale/nursery rhyme/fable/ or prose poem. Provide a new ending for this traditional story.

Write about what happens when the world ends

Write a poem about the first dreamer’s response to the first dream in history
First kiss/feeling of love/memory

When the world ends

When the sun forever sets
Disappearing from the sky
When every tree bends and turns to dust
When things begin to die

The earth will forever stop
It’s turning spinning sphere
When all the stars fade forever
When nothing more is clear

The last of us will stumble
Blindly through the dark
Reaching grabbing for pieces
Where light forever left its mark

Searching for brightness, sun
For the warmth that it sends
For the last of us will be forgotten
When the world ends